The dark side of my moon!!

Man!!!  The start of school has been a whirlwind!!!  I can't believe it is September 1st already!!!  It has been ten days since my last post.  So much has happened.  I don't know where to begin.  (Warning!!!  Procede at you own risk!!) Well, let me start from the end.  My "back end" that is!! Last Saturday I had my first ever colonic.  Yes, you read right!!  I said it!!  Colonic!!!  I got power washed on the inside!!  I'm on my way to a sparkley, like new colon.  I was so nervous!  I could just imagine how it was going to play out.  I have seen Johnny Knoxville get one on his show as well as Margaret Cho.  Frank in the documentary "May I be Frank?" got one.  I was just sure I was going to be laying on my side and the cute little "colonic girl" was going to have to lift up my substantial butt cheek and get a glimpse of the dark side of my moon!!! Although the colonic girl would be experienced in matters of the butt, I was just sure that mine would be more horrifying than anything she had seen before.  The "Ass from the black lagoon" horrifying!!  The story in my mind continues.  I could only imagine that after colonic girl shoved a healthy size tube up my nether region and then recovered from the shock of seeing things that she could not "unsee," she would put on a mask and let the power washing begin.  I worried that she would be standing there witnessing the steady trail of things exiting my body that I had consumed in the past.  The penny I ate when I was two, my sisters Barbie shoe when I was four, the gum I swallowed in middle school and the tequilla worms I ate in college.  Then she would ask me to get dressed and take my picture to add to the plaque reserved for those patrons who were truly "full of it!!!" 

Well!!  It wasn't like that at all!!!!!  Colonic girl left me alone to arrange the tube and get saddled up!!  The table was kind of like riding a horse.  Well, a horse that you could lay down on.  I covered up, she came back in, turned on the water and left me to do my business.  Afterward I truly felt clean!!  Inside and out!!!!  Although I didn't see a Barbie shoe, I was shocked.  Just when I thought I was done, it kept coming!!  I truly was "full of it!!"  I lost 5 more pounds!!!  A total of 75!!!!!!  Yay!